We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
