what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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