are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
