Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
When did angry sex become our thing?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
