You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
