I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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