i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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