whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
