IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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