If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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