She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
