girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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