I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
