You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
