Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
