I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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