We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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