I just cut my nipple shaving
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize