You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize