I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
