sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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