somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
