so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
