God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
