The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
