So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
