I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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