Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
