You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
