There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You're like the curious george of whores
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize