I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Randomize