3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
