dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
