yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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