My hand turned me down
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
