I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Drunk is a universal language darling
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
