Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
