he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
