if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
