just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
