I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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