I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
