FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
