but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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