Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
pop tarts are not kleenex
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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