my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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