I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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