If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i think i have two assholes
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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