I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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