Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
