I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
