I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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