he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
