Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
the gays at disneyland are vicious
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
