My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
