Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
