I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
