Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
