i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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