There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
