I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
