I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
