So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
This house was built for laser tag.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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