Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
