alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
