my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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