Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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